Dear Cousin, sister in law & FUS Freshmen,

I wanted to write you, to warn you. I want to warn you that you are about to meet some REALLY weird people. You are about to hear people say some REALLY weird shit. You are about to see some REALLY weird things.

I wanted to warn you that you are about to experience the most amazing 4 years of your life.

If your scared. You should be. But NOT for the reasons listed below.

FUS "The Circle"

In my first month at FUS I was always in a horrible mood. Maybe it was because my roommate woke up at 4am, turned on all the lights to read "the God-given scripture". As if that justified her scheduling the crack of dawn 3 hours before God intended.

While in mass, I had someone repeatedly hit me in the back of the head, as she was praising God so hard with her palms up and out, and worse over, she was so engulfed in her praising I couldn't get her attention to make her stop.

Numerous times, I heard people exchange stories about them "speaking in tongues" and some claiming that after a serious prayer session they had levitated.

Hanging out in Tommy

I also remember girls approaching me at random saying "Remember not to show off the four B's."  At the time I had NO idea what the were talking about.

The two dates I had been brave enough to go on my first semester, both ending up asking me the questions, "how many children would be interested in having, what are your political views and do you want to go pray with me outside the abortion clinic in Pittsburgh on Saturday?"

I called my mom repeatedly... "I am not Catholic!"

Karaoke Night

I truly felt that way. There was no relating to these people. I didn't do the things they did and at the time I did not want to be associated with them or any of it. Therefore, I was NOT Catholic!

Sure I attempted to make friends. For the most part it seemed a bit hopeless. I had come from a small private school, where things like drinking and snorting coke was many people's idea of a good time, so when a girl from down the hall invited me to go out with her for a "good time"... I was surprised.
 Friday night came and she led me to the tennis courts beside the dorms..... and explained to me what frisbee-golf was.

I thought she was joking.

Not that I was ever interested in doing drugs... but really? I was 19. I remember thinking..."I'm too old for this crap!"

FL girl - First time in the snow

About three months in my fall semester I met a group of girls that made it all tolerable. We acted as each other's support. For me it was perfect. It still didn't shield me from all of it but when I was overwhelmed by it all I could take a break with one of them. Even though it was a sorority, it was NOT your typical sorority. Sure we went out drinking, dancing and for karaoke. But a majority of our time was spent in similar ways as the majority of people on campus doing simple things. Not frisbee-golf but...

In my first couple semesters at FUS I attempted to play guitar, piano and the harmonica. A friend taught me how to crochet a scarf, make a snow man and make your own cigarettes to save money. As a group we attended campus events and even held some of our own. I taught girls how to braid hair and cook.

I had no idea that it would be this small group of girls and that school that would mold me so much.

And I'm sure none of us did it on purpose. For a while I thought maybe it happened because the school is in a small town, but I know other schools that are in small towns that are just party schools. Eventually I decided that it had to happen at FUS and for me, it had to happen with this sorority.

Dancing in the Trevie Fountain in Rome, Italy '05

My first semester at FUS, I was so disappointed. I had spent one year at a "real college" and while I didn't have the time, the money or the balls to go out and get drunk or stoned, it "felt" like college... which in turn made me feel like I had "grown up". Now I was at this school where campus parties were full of bibles, youth group guitar music and even people playing tag or frisbee all the time.

I felt like I went from college to Christian Summer camp.

I would explain this frustration to my senior sorority sisters and they would say "I know what you mean, but trust me... it gets better." Secretly, I figured they were crazy people as well. lol

When in Rome.

It wasn't until my second year at FUS that it all began to make sense. I attended the European Study Aboard Program with 120 fellow students. I won't give you every detail but, at some point I just let go. I sat in the 400 year old chapel on campus and prayed and then....I stopped fighting them.

I just let them have it. I didn't question them, try to explain, rationalize it and even try to understand them. I knew some of them HAD to be that religious or they would fall apart, but others were just that into God and the Church and they were just that happy!

It was those people I began to form a curiosity with... and eventually even friendships.

Volunteering @ LAMP with the Bishop of Steubenville

I showed them that people who liked to drink, smoke and even used the occasional profanity in common conversation weren't demons. They in turn showed me that people who started their mornings with Mass, prayed before every meal and ended their evenings with adoration, weren't praying to God to keep them on the straight and narrow or to keep themselves on a pedestal away from the everyday person, but were doing it out of love.


I thought I knew what love was. I thought I knew what worship was. I thought I knew God. They showed me there was more. And while I never truly advanced my faith in the ways they did, I began to experience it in my own time and in my own ways letting God and the Church lead. Slowly.

My View from my '08 Graduation

As an adult today, double alumni of FUS (BA and MS degree), wife,mother, home owner, homemaker, part time employee and Catholic... I look back and thank FUS and its students and faculty.

Firstly, for putting up with my stubbornness and impatience. But more so, for reminding me that at 19 I wasn't "grown up". Sure I was an adult by legal standards, but I was far from being done with "growing".

Looking back, I find myself as any adults see the younger version of themselves ...foolish. I laugh about it now. Sure I remember the amazing classes, lectures and presentations that I attended to earn my degrees... but what is more vivid and memorable are the lessons on love.

Love for my peers and love for God. And if any of you are lucky enough to experience the Austrian Study Program you will SURELY learn how to love life in all its forms. I learned that love is a choice and if you don't know love that way, stay at FUS and you will.

As you begin your college journey at FUS. I can't help but find myself envious. I'm not saying it is going to be easy. But as college courses will soon demonstrate...REAL learning is NEVER easy.

June2009, My FUS friends and me... On my wedding day

Hopefully, you won't be as stubborn, impatient or as judgmental as I was. But, even if you are... you will notice what I did, that the love that dominates over FUS' campus will not cease. Another lesson in itself, I suppose.

My advice... be patient. Don't give up on people but take your time. Remember to pray, even if you do it in private (as to avoid being beaten in Mass) and smile, even if its just a little smile every now and then.

Many people find love to be scary and overwhelming. I never really considered myself one of those people, but perhaps I was.

And.... enjoy! Your life is going to be completely flipped upside down whether you like it or not. But that is just the nature of life... it is always changing. As an adult you have the responsibility and opportunity to decide how you would like your life altered, for better or worse.

My husband, also an FUS alum and I

This University is going to teach you something in a couple years that many people spend their whole lives trying to figure out. Its a big, hard, complicated lesson... the sooner you learn it, the better off you'll be.

"What is Love?"

I will end with a quote from St. Catherine of Siena. It sums up what college life, FUS life and life is general is about. Not to mention she was a tight buddy of St Francis and the patron Saint of my sorority.

"Nothing great is ever achieved without much enduring" - St. Catherine of Siena.

Decide how you want to endure.

Congratulations on your first day of Orientation... FUS Class of 2015.

PS> The phrase "remember not to show your Four-B's" means... "remember not show off your Back, Belly, Boobs or Butt."

Whats cooking in my kitchen?

I think cooking shows are RIDICULOUS, as well as many cook books. Realistically, I'm not willing to spend the $$$ on a bunch of strange, specialty items from 3 different stores. Nor am I willing to pull out a thousand appliances, spoons, pots and pans to cook anything short of a Thanksgiving dinner.

To me... a winning recipe is one in which the ingredients are familiar and available for purchase at a local grocery for a reasonable price and no more than 4 dishes need to utilized to prepare it.

This Summer (2011) I began attempting a new style of cooking. A healthier style of cooking. Focusing on more vegetarian, vegan, low salt, low fat ... but high flavor meals!!!

It was a challenge at first but recently I've really grown to like it. Let me know what you think.

Click the Recipe tab above to check out whats cooking in my kitchen.

Establishing a Homebase

I walked around nervous. I didn't know if people could tell. Could they tell by the way sat, stood or even walked? I was always so very careful. We needed me to have this job and I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep it a secret.

It was late-September when I pulled into the drive way, followed shortly after by my mother. She was rambling on and on about how she found another one and we just had to go see it. My husband, Mike, came out from the house. We had been staying with my parents ever since we finished school in Ohio.

My mom must have really liked this one, as she still hadn't put the car in park and was shouting out the window to Mike to grab a pair of shoes and explaining to me what a "flat roof" was. 

We had been shopping for a house now for 4 months. Even with the housing market crash, pickings were still limited, considering our budget. 

As my mother explained this house's location, I caught myself only half listening. I wasn't sure if it was because I was so overwhelmed by it all; the house hunting, the new job, the constant worrying, living with my parents while being married... so much was happening I had not planned on, or ever dreamed would happen.

This flat roof home was walking distance from the church where I was baptized 26 years ago and where I said "I do" to my husband 16 months ago. 

"Yikes! Its only been one year," I think it so hard... I say it out loud. 

I must have interrupted  my mother, she passes a confused look my way and then continues on. 

She has been so wonderfully supportive. Patient, kind, motivating.... its amazing, when your 16 you think your mother is so evil, so power crazy or controlling.. as an adult, its so refreshing to sit in a room with a woman you've known your whole life. When your a child, a band-aid and your mother's kiss goes so far to soothe your worries/pain... as an adult its her smile and a cup of hot tea.

I must have let my mind wonder off again because its not until we pull into this tiny house's drive way that I can actually hear the words  my mother is saying... "see the flat roof there guys?"

The yard is beautiful, roses, crape myrtles, hanging plants, a bird bath and ornate bird feeder and even my favorite... a garden gnome by the front door. I can hardly focus on anything now as she rings the door bell and we walk inside. 

The smell of decades of cooking is lingering in the house. Regardless that its current resident has been smoking in doors I can smell the garlic, the onion and even a hint of something sweet, like.... cake. Although, lately I can smell everything. I could tell you what the lunch ladies are cooking for the students by 9am, I can determine which kid in class farted, whose parents smoke at home and what someone had for breakfast that morning by the smell on their breathe. Surprisingly, many 12 year-olds seem to eat pop-tarts, soda and gummy bears for breakfast. 

Mike's stare snaps me back in reality and I stop daydreaming about gummy bears. My mom seems to be waiting for the man to give us a tour of the house but considering its so small, it almost seems pointless. He makes a gesture for us to roam down the hallway. To the left a small bathroom, ahead the master bedroom, although we come to learn later its not the largest bedroom in the house. As the hallway turns right we pop our heads into the other two bed rooms, small with large turn and crank windows from the 60's.

My mother keeps the resident busy with questions... I can hear her ramble on, "So when was the house built? And has the roof been replaced recently?". 

Thank goodness she asks him something, I have no idea what to say. As I look down to eye the carpet I realize I didn't know I was wearing sandals today. I could have sworn I put on sneakers. I think to myself, "I should wear sneakers more often, soon I won't be able to bend over so easily. Soon I won't be able to see my feet!"

"Hey, love! Are you okay?"  It seems like Mike asks me this ten times a day. 

Normally it could be viewed as annoying, but recently its his way of bringing me back around to focus. I let out a frustrated sigh as I follow him the four feet down the hall into the "master bed room". He gives me a big hug and a kiss on the forehead. I am always so amazed how calm and patient Mike is, so unlike me. I apologize again for being so "zoned-out" and he smiles. 

The hug becomes uncomfortable and I try to wiggle out of it without Mike worrying about me again. I look around the room and think to myself how small it is. I try picturing myself sleeping in a bed in this room, coming out of the shower, opening the closet, getting up two to six times in the middle of the night.. "Will I walk into that door?" I wonder. 

I start picturing it all and I mean it all. 

I hear my mother perfectly clear at the other side of the house, less then 20 ft away. "So, the house is how big? Eight-hundred and forty square feet? Ok."

I'm starting to feel queezy again... a mixture of nauseous, nerves and panic. I start running numbers through my head, our income versus the asking price and the interest with the loan, thinking over our credit reports and when the student loans will be due. I feel my stomach turn and that's when I am reminded yet again. That's not me, that's not my stomach turning over. 

It's our baby.

"Thidbideoux" (tid-bid-do) as Mike calls him/her. Even though I'm five months we've opted out of knowing the gender of the baby. Every time I am reminded I am pregnant I get the jitters. Yea, I'm excited to be pregnant and have a baby with my amazing husband but I'm terrified. Two weeks after graduation, I discovered we were expecting. Mike had only been at his new job for two days when I told him, he was going to be a father.

Will I be able to get up a million times a night? Will Mike and I get along with a crying baby around? Will we ever go on a date again? Will I like being a mother? Am I capable of caring, paying for, nurturing, providing for and loving a baby, a toddler, a child, a teenager, a young adult? 

Whoa! 

I can feel my mind wondering off again... flashes of pacifers, dirty diapers, teenagers with head phones in, missing children on news reports, doctors bills, medicine, permanent marker on the walls... a big, hot mess haired me climbing out of bed at 4am to feed a baby. 

I try focusing on Mike. Its no use. I feel like the walls are closing in or maybe I think the room is just that small?

Another rush is coming on... flashes of a baby on my hip while trying to check out at Walmart, a fussing toddler throwing a temper tantrum, chicken pox, throw-up that misses the toilet.

"So, do you want to make on offer?"

Mike's voice seems to clear away the crazy woman voices in my head. 

"Uhh.." I try to take a minute and focus, be objective, focus... come on focus. I can't.

I glance at the open door way from the bed room into the hall. And I swear I see it. 

Just for a moment. I see a   baby, tall like when Mike was a baby and lean, like when I was a baby, pitter-pattering down the hall around the corner, giggling the whole way.  

The image catches me off guard. I have no idea where it came from. I walk into the hall and look back into the room and then it happens. I see it all. 

Our First Home

I see a bed in the room with a thick, comfy blanket, pictures on the wall and two very small night stands. I smell baby powder and spaghetti sauce cooking. For a moment the worries faded. 

"Yes! I see us here Mike."

We moved in 2 months later, 3 weeks before Christmas.